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STAR WARS FAN WHO BOUGHT ALL TICKETS TO WATCH THE NEW MOVIE IN A SOLO ATTEMPT, WAS NOT ALONE.  

Z. R. Mider. 03/21/2016. Ohio

 The young man, now friendless, gave his explanation in a press conference. Academy Awards revoked his Oscar nomination for Best Audience.

On December 18th, the last delivery of Star Wars saga, The Force Awakens, took place simultaneously around the world.  A festive event was expected, however, it has caused H.S. (34) a serious personal issue. 

The young man bought up all tickets for 7:30 PM session, spending more than $ 2,000 and, for reasons still unknown, it was leaked to the press that he did it to see the movie on his own, free of popcorn crunches, eaten by his friends.

“It was all a misunderstanding,” he explains upset. “I am just a messenger. The Troopers wanted to see the film without the crush of fans, and Han Solo asked us to buy the tickets and hence the confusion. That’s it. I’m not a loner”, the poor guy, friendless by selfishness, defends himself.

The specializing company in personal attention to fictional characters where H.S works, adds: “The troopers are very shy and they need their own space, as anyone. We have worked for both sides of the Empire celebrities for ages, and never had happened anything like this”.

The private screening of Disney’s expected production was also attended by other characters, as confirmed by the usher, who is recovering from a heart attack suffered when, on entering the cinema services, bumped into Darth Vader and saw his face.

The Academy Awards which had initially nominated the young messenger for the Oscar for Best Audience, has revoked it without compunction.

You can see unpublished images of the dark side -and the light side- of Star Wars characters visiting their fans at http://bit.ly/DownloadVOidApp

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MAN DISCOVERS HE IS MERLIN´S GREAT-GRANDSON WHEN HE INVOKES A DRAGON WHILST DRINKING COFFEE.

Investigators are analyzing Leonard Muggle´s family tree. It would appear he is also directly related to Leroy Merlin.

 Dr. Marcum. 03/16/2016 Bristol, England.

It has been confirmed that Leonard Muggle, 37, is a direct descendant of the wizard, Merlin. Last Friday, while having coffee in a café in central Bristol, the vile taste of the beverage caused Leonard to curse and swear so violently that, unknowingly, he invoked a green dragon there and then.

The mystery was revealed when, intrigued by his new-found magical powers, he converted a souvenir snow-globe of the Coliseum of Rome into a Palantir, a crystal ball even down to the eye, and saw an image of Merlin as his great-grandfather.

“Magic was always banned in my house. I mean, my surname is Muggle, which should indicate no magical powers whatsoever. It was quite a shock.” admitted the novice wizard, while bucket-laden mops cleaned his house to the rhythm of “The Sorcerer´s Apprentice”.

Reliable sources have confirmed to us that he may well, therefore, be related to Leroy Merlin, due to the fact that the dragon´s colour was clearly “Forest Green” (pantone 368), and that he is also quite the handyman.

However, the international DIY chain´s press spokesman categorically denies any relation between the two, saying “ It´s just like if one of Leroy Johnson´s descendants turned up and said he owned part of the company too”.

“With great power comes great responsibility”, said Muggle in an interview. “I´m going to start up a chain of coffee shops called “Spellbucks”, so that people can discover their magic powers, and also finally find a half-decent coffee in Great Britain.“

“That´ll need all my powers”, he added before literally disappearing from the interview.

For more wizardry spells, click here:

http://void.mybrana.com

THE YETI GETS REVENGE ON THE GROUNDHOG PHIL BY SHOUTING: WINTER IS COOOMING!

E.Lipton.03/08/2016 Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania. 

The Yeti makes his first public appearance and changes the groundhog forecast, attacking mercilessly those who were waiting for the spring.

On February 2, as every year, Phil made his weather prognostications and predicted the spring was just around the corner. Instead, a cold wave caused by the Yeti came to everyone’s surprise. Besides confirming his existence, the Yeti has demonstrated a keen ability to change the weather in his own way.

The public was quite disconcerted by the unexpected appearance of the Yeti, who showed spiteful and seeking revenge on Phil, accused of cheating him in a Poker game during the hibernation.“Watch out, Phil. Now you are going to know how it feels to look like a fool! This year there will be neither spring nor kitschy stuff.

Welcome to an endless winter”, the Yeti warned, while devouring a girl who was asking him to liberate the spring. “These softies who don’t bear the cold are delicious…  Is there any other follower of Phil’s rubbish in the room?”, he asked the congregation.

The strange creature confessed being a great fan of Game of Thrones from the start, although he openly complained: “Whenever I want to eat up one of them, they kill them, as if they could read my thoughts.”The Yeti finally threatened a journalist in response to the recurrent question of his age: “There is a raffle for a bite in the pancreas and you are winning… ”. 

The groundhog Phil humiliated on his failure, and back to his burrow until things calm down, denies cheating in a press release “neither on the poker nor on my predictions. It’s always him. He is a sore loser.” And Phil says goodbye wishing sincerely that the Yeti will see reason and let the spring begin.

Learn firsthand about other interesting visits from strange creatures at http://void.mybrana.com

FLIPPER SUDDENLY APPEARED IN AWARD CEREMONY TO SEE ELIJAH WOOD.

C. Hamby. 03/01/2016 Taipei

The dolphin, just returned from the afterlife, conveys to the actor the greetings of Smeagol; however Gollum had not yet forgiven him.

Last Saturday, during the annual gala of the Music Awards in Taipei (Taiwan) something happened that silenced the gathered musicians: Flipper, the famous dolphin actor, suddenly appeared on stage, causing great confusion. 

The show was overshadowed by the astonishing presence of the dolphin, delighting the audience who even thought it was a part of the performance.

“It was amazing. Flipper was there on the stage floor without water or anything, splashing and flapping as he did when he was young ”, says an onlooker. However, it was not very well received by the awarded Best Rap Singer, who he complained about the awards ceremony had been overridden when Flipper leaped high into the air doing a double pirouette.

When finishing, Flipper explained he had learned that Elijah Wood, starred in his famous film, would be in the room and just came to say hello. Before leaving, he had time to convey to him the warm regards sent by Smeagol, but not by Gollum, still hurting from what happened at Mount Doom.

On three different occasions, Flipper had to clarify to the press, with evident annoyance, that he was the dolphin acting in the 1996 movie, and not the one of 1963, much less agile and acrobatic.

He also denied that he had come back to film again with Elijah, and as he had come, quickly said goodbye and left fearing Charon was worried about his absence. 

If you fancy watching videos of marine artists, you can find many more at: http://void.mybrana.com/

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A FUGITIVE UNSATISFIED WITH HIS MUG SHOT, SENT A RETOUCHED SELFIE TO THE POLICE STATION, “TO LOOK MORE HANDSOME” 

Z. R. Mider. 02/19/2016. Ohio.

Local authorities have been involved in a great controversy, since they don’t know what to do. Central Government urges them to make a decision within a week.

Donald Pugh, a vanished arsonist and thief of Lima (Ohio), could not bear that the picture of his criminal record did not do justice to his natural beauty and has sent to his usual police station his own selfie, adorned with stickers.

Now known as “The Beautiful Fugitive”, this 45 year-old man is wanted already for several years and, according to official sources, the reason he has kept so long undetected it is because “they were looking for an ugly man”, which has given Donald a great opportunity to go unnoticed.

Local authorities have deeply pondered whether to accept or not the new image, because Donald Pugh “is really much more handsome than we thought”, according to the Commissioner on duty when they received Donald’s awesome selfie. (Link to the original post)

Bowing to pressure from government, the police have asked for public’s help to make a decision and have called Lima’s neighbors for a secret ballot on Sunday, after the match.

The plot will not be resolved until the last vote is counted, as according to street surveys, there is a tie between those who argue that Donald is very handsome and those who maintain that he is not a big deal.

 Donald Pugh, whose whereabouts are unknown, has launched his own advertising campaign with new poses and stickers, and he has already attracted more than a million followers on social networks.

You can see the beauty of Donald and his new selfies at http://www.mybrana.com

FBI USES AUGMENTED REALITY TO PRESERVE SUSPECTS’ ANONYMITY.

C.D. Leonnig. 02/18/2016. Washington D.C.

The FBI has launched a sophisticated virtual system (stickers) to protect the anonymity of the suspects. The usual pixels previously used, that indiscriminately and accusingly disfigured the face of individuals, have been definitely ruled out.

The measure came up after the analysis of the officers infiltrated into the bus stations across the country, when they realized that if they look at the pixelated pictures from a certain distance, lowing their eyelids a little, -adjusting the focus visually-, they could easily guess who the individual was, -or at least work out their eye color-, seriously breaking the law on data protection.

The new augmented reality-Stickers not only hide the identity of the suspect, but give them a new personality, less aggressive and more democratic, as they are placed accordingly to the offense committed. (Link to stats crime / appropriated stickers list)

This new tool, -which has been very welcomed among the mothers of habitual offenders who were prejudiced with the previous pixels-, will be implemented in all the American Federal States in alphabetical order, and has already obtained its first results in Alabama, Alaska and Texas (the high rate of suspects in the southern state has led the advancement of the letter “T”)

The Federal Bureau of Investigation invests annually more than $ 300 million in preserving the privacy of suspects. It is estimated that the new Stickers system will significantly lower the budget.

 More information about FBI’s anonymity techniques at www.mybrana.com

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A TOURIST POOPS HERSELF, PISSING HER GUIDE OFF, AS BEING ATTACKED BY A DINOSAUR IN A SAFARI IN TANZANIA.

E.Lipton. 02/17/2016. Dodoma.

The authorities drafted a new protocol which states clearly what to do and what not to do, when attacked by a Tyrannosaurus Rex, very abundant in the area (time ago). 

In the deepest savannah in Tanzania, a group of tourists who enjoyed a dangerous safari was attacked by a Tyrannosaurus Rex (nicknaming “T-Rex”). The English tourist J.K.R (55) pooped on her pants when sitting in the front vehicle with the guide. The incident was caught on cameras by her friends. 

The woman, who was showing off her great courage only a few hours before, can now also boast about her great odor after meeting the prehistoric animal. “It was a very confusing time,” said the African guide who still suffers dizziness when he remembers the foul smell. “When I yelled: Throw him the dart! She started to fart! Europeans don’t know how to behave.”

The safari agency Never-get-off-the-vehicle is very embarrassed. “Our customers expect to be devoured by contemporary and modern wild animals. It was a big disappointment. If at least we had been attacked by Godzilla, from last century…”, they explain. 

The expedition partner who recorded the eschatological moment from the car behind, posted it right away on social networks, and when back to the hotel, H.K.R had already received a message from Spielberg to make a cameo in his next film.  

If you want to see more dinosaur attacks, you can find them here: http://void.mybrana.com 

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